Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
