cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
