just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
