I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
