I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
