so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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