Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
