tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you had me at cake vodka
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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