No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize