Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
