So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
