There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
