I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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