Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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