You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
