Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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