So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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