I'm passing your future prison.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
