There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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