there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
