i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
