YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
