Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize