I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
