i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
