So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
