Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
