I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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