Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
