No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
