I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
