First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
