i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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