So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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