Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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