the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
