I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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