just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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