Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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