just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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