i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
