Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
