you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
