I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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