About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
