Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
