sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
