I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
