After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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