It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
