i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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