Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
