Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
