dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He shit in the fireplace
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
