I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
