Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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