dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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