Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize