it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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