At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
