This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
