it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
