she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
