Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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