Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
