I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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