That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize