HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
