my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
