He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
