walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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