What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
