the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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