Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
