your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
pop tarts are not kleenex
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
