you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
