They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize