That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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