I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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