Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
