Small penises have feelings too.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
