I'm really into asian looking animals
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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