you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
