they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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